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To My TOTGA

💭12am thoughts 

This is a letter to you to say a few things I didn't get to say previously. No, this isn't here to bash you or list reasons why I hate you. Because to clarify, I don't hate you at all. And now, I have enough courage to say these things to you.  Granted, my bestie from the third grade is no longer my go-to person for all things. Something happened to us in the past which caused too much pain and heartbreak to me and even become a reason why I have a problem in trusting a friend. We lost touch years ago and now I'm totally OK with that, although I did feel some nostalgia about you when I accidentally saw your letter for me when we we're in sixth grade.  When the things ended and I just let it ended that way, it wasn't because you didn't have value as a person. I just didn't see the value in continuing our friendship. It sounds mean but it really isn't. Friendships are about enjoying each other’s company, trusting each other and gaining strength and support from each other. I stopped getting those things from you and it didn't feel right to continue on pretending like I did. I am hurt, emotionally and mentally and it is one of things that triggers my depression. But I realize that I probably hurt you too and for that, I'm sorry. Although I didn’t want to continue our friendship, that doesn't mean I wished you any pain. If I've caused you that, I’m truly sorry.  I don’t regret anything. I hate that I caused you pain and unhappiness and I agree we could have ended things differently, but the fact remains that I’m not sorry it ended like this. Life changes and so do people. Those BFF necklaces everyone had when we were kids lie. Most people don’t stay best friends forever.  Always keep in mind that I could never hate you. Trust me, I’ve tried. It sounds awful, but I thought it would be easier to get over losing you if I could hate you — but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I was hurt when you left, but I will never hate you. You were my best friend. And despite how things ended up, because of that, I will always loved you.  Everyone chooses their paths in life, and I guess your path just no longer intertwined with mine. But I hope you’re happy. Because I really do wish you the best. I hope you’ve found someone who listens to your stories, laughs at your jokes and stays by your side. Cause I already found that person.  Everyone deserves to have a best friend who loves them unconditionally. That isn't me, but I hope it's someone. And that someone is lucky😇  Know that I cherish the memories we made and wouldn’t trade them for anything. There are times that I check your Facebook posts to make sure you’re doing ok, because some things will never change🙂😊  I still have a place in my heart just for you and our memories❤️ So keep in mind, if you ever see me out one day, say hi to me. Cause there once was a time when we would've looked forward to seeing each other.   Love, Your "ex" Best Friend💛